Saturday, June 21, 2008

In less than 48 hours, it will all be over....

To be exact, in 38.5 hours our home study begins and I won't have the time to be nervous anymore. Instead, I'll be focused on what ever it is our social worker wishes to speak with us about for close to 3 hours. 3 hours is a long time to talk with anyone, and since she already knows us and our entire story, I'm just not sure what sorts of questions she'll have for us this time around. Have I mentioned that I'm very nervous? I'm completely preoccupied, can think of nothing else, and I don't think I'm very much fun to be around right now. I've tried to rationalize with myself-we've been through this before, we know our social worker, everything will be ok... But, the reality of the situation is that it's still a home study, and it really is a big deal. Perhaps I feel like I know too much about the process this time around. I know exactly what is at stake, which is a LOT. Perhaps I'm anxious because Monday will start our roller coaster ride and the length and craziness of the ride is uncertain to us. Perhaps I'm anxious from the ice cream sugar high I've been on all evening. "Ben and Jerry" have become two of my best friends this weekend. I don't think we've been so close since I was riding the roller coaster of Graham's adoption and it's good to have them back in my life. I'm confident that come Monday evening, I will laugh at myself for being so worried about this step in the process. Heck, I'll probably invite "Ben and Jerry" out of the freezer again to help me celebrate! But until then, I'm nervous. After all, we're having a woman licensed by the state come into our home, watch our parenting styles, check out our house, talk about the relationships in our lives, discuss our finances, and generally make sure we're fit to add another child to our family. Wouldn't that make you nervous???